Inside Edition = Crap With Poop Sprinkles

I'm mentally flogging myself while I write this.  I'm upset at myself for not opting for an unlimited Netflix subscription instead of my current 2 disks at-a-time option.  I just completed the first season of Party Down and now I'm a victim of snail mail until my re-up of fresh DVD's arrive.  Normally this wouldn't be a problem, feed me some Sportscenter and a couple beers and I'm good to go.  But, I recently got into a fight with my cable provider and lost.  Now that I've been blessed with free network television (aka complete garbage) I tend to have it on in the background as I work on my computer.  Well...Inside Edition came on.  Wow.  That program is a huge pile of steaming sensational crap.  After about the third "breaking news" story I decided I needed to share these incredibly important headlines with you:

• Tucson Massacre Victim Temporarily Committed to Psychiatric Unit! Just long enough to not attend the President's State of the Union Address with the other victims; conspiracy anyone?

• Dancing with the Stars's Cheryl Burke has been hiding a dark secret...Enough said.

• Recent Appearance of Suzanne Somers Sparks Criticism! Ummm.  Shes had so much plastic surgery her face is about to fall off.  I can't believe this hasn't been covered before!

• Why is there a Grand Piano perched on a sand bar in the middle of Biscayne Bay?  Some Southern Florida hick is shooting a movie and he put it out there as a prop.  Good luck with that.  

• Why did this little girl burst into tears?  They previewed this story 5 times and this was the "story of the day".  It turns out the girl hates the Green Bay Packers and she starts crying every time she hears the words "Packers" and "Super Bowl" in the same sentence.  Cant blame her.

 I highly advise either turning the channel or throwing a brick through your television screen if Inside Edition ever comes on.  That show will make you stupider, I mean dumber.  Oh crap.